2014 has sucked for many reasons, iv not really slept, iv cried every night or day since the start of the year and im always dead upset
im almost 23 i feel like i’m no where in life i work in a run down bar and i have no goals or ambition in life. I don’t know what i wanna do as a career and im upset and frustrated i’m not getting anywhere. I thought about going to uni but i wouldnt even know what id wanna do either. Im seeing mates of mine with well paid job or who have traveled the world and my weeks are the same, nothing new and nothing changes,
my uncle passed away a week ago, ok we wernt close but i feel like i never got to say goodbye and he probably thought i didnt care. In reality i did and he’ll never know
my mums also had a few health issues. I see my mum like twice a year due to work and money and i just feel like im never there for my family anymore, i mean my mum said shes going to lapland for christmas and id have to make other plans ( most likely spending it by myself) and well that sucks my mum use to be my best friend and now it doesnt feel that way.
i broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks back i really took this bad cuz hes was literally everything to me, i dont think iv ever loved someone or cared for someone as much as him i was willing to give up everything and move closer to him and i put him first in everything and well yeh not having him there fully sucks. normally with break ups iv just moved on and its been cool this time i havent stopped thinking about him still every night or every morning. i feel like i miss having someone there more than i miss him but you get me, our relationship was literally falling apart and it was always on my mind i wasnt good enough.. so yeh thats effected me to
due to my relationship i have so much self doubt, im constantly told by people im beautiful or im pretty and stuff but when you feel this low nothing matters, i find myself constantly comparing myself to prettier girls and feeling like nothing, and wondering what people would ever see in my anyway
theres another key point here that i cant even bring myself to write about just yet, maybe in time
im trying to help other by saying “focus on the positives” and everything will be ok but i cant believe that myself anymore. I have days where everything seems ok and im happy then when i get home i just cry for hours, im in the stage where i dont wanna see my mates but i dont wanna be alone.
i just wish i could go back in life a few years or pause life and figure what i want from it because right now everything seems like a struggle, and im fed up lying to people that im ok